Product Judgement: Insanity (Part 4)

    It's been a while since I updated on my progress with Insanity.  When we last left off, I was going into the eye of the storm.  I had a week of a workout called Core Cardio and Balance.  I really like that workout.  In the beginning it focuses more on the cardio aspect, and then it finishes off with two killer exercises that will leave a burning in your hips and shoulders you didn't think was possible without an actual flame.  After the first month it is a welcome recovery week.  I liked it.  My wife, who did the workout with me a few times actually said, "They should start Insanity out with this!"  I don't think that would be a bad idea, however, Shaun T seems to be a fan of throwing people into the deep end to see if they sink or swim.  Overall though, I was really happy with my progress and how smoothly recovery week went.

    Then month two officially started.  The workouts consist of Max Cardio Conditioning, Max Interval Circuit, Max Interval Plyo, Max Recovery, Cardio Abs and Core Cardio and Balance.  If month one was throwing you into the deep end to see if you could sink or swim, month two is tying your hands and legs together and attaching 50 lb weights to your ankles, spinning you around and throwing you in the middle of the ocean.  Drugs are also probably involved.  I shit you not, I would stand there, staring at the TV saying "How the fuck are you even doing that?"  Also, I swore enough month two week one to make a sailor blush.  I actually was overwhelmed the first day when I had to do the fit test and then the Max Interval Circuit workout in the same day.  I ended up pushing everything back so I could get all my workouts in.  Which, I will take this opportunity to say, is something you may have to do, but if you are serious about wanting results and to get into shape and get healthy, is something you will do.  One of the biggest challenges of Insanity has been making it a priority, because believe me, there are many things I'd rather be doing than sweating all over our living room, swearing at the TV and pushing myself to exhaustion.  However, I make it work, and as you see results and progress, it makes it worth it. 

    Another lesson I learned so far this month, the value of eating right.  I've been good watching how many calories I put into my body thanks to an app on my android, MyFitnessPal.  However, just watching your calories is only one part of fueling your body.  Even eating smaller portions, unhealthy crap food is still, unhealthy crap food.  I had more bar food and junk than I have in a while, thinking to myself, "Calories are calories, I need to have some energy to burn off when I workout."  However, when it came time to working out, I really didn't want to.  I didn't have that excitement or energy ready to be released during the workout.  Frantically I searched for excuses not to work out.  Fortunately I had the willpower to workout, I know though that those workouts weren't everything they could have been.  It wasn't until the Sunday of that first week (normally an off day but as I mentioned earlier I had to push things back to make sure I did everything), when I ate good food all day and then worked out that I noticed the difference.  I felt great after the workout, felt like I could do a second workout and felt like I really kicked ass.  (I wonder how many more times I could say felt?  Probably a lot, I feel it in me bones that I can do it, however, I'll be good and not do it.  And you know what, making that decision felt good.) So yeah, if you really want to fuel your body, be ready to workout and see progress, fruits and vegetables are your friend.  Bar food is not.  Though it does taste delicious from time to time. 

    Well, that's all for today.  I have two more weeks until I can call myself an Insanity graduate.  When I finish those weeks I will give the final report card on my progress, showing the progress I've made on the fit test, number of pounds lost, the number of asses I feel like I can adequately kick before I get completely, and of course, my final judgement on Insanity.  Stay tuned.  Or don't.  Just kidding, definitely stay tuned! 

Product Judgement: Cards Against Humanity

    Bored on a Saturday night?  Or a Monday night?  Or any other night of the week? 

    Well that's your problem.  I'd love to help but I'm too busy playing my newest game, Cards Against Humanity.  As the box says, it's a "Party Game for Horrible People."  That was what really sold it for me, because so rarely do I see a game that is specifically targeted towards horrible people like me.  The biggest question wasn't whether to buy it or not, but is it really horrible enough for me?  

    Before I share if it is horrible enough for me, let me explain how to play.  Have you ever played Apples to Apples?  HAHAHAHAHA, I know, I'm hilarious.  Everyone and their mother has played Apples to Apples.  And if you haven't, well, thanks for ruining that little joke for me you big jerk face.  Are you proud of yourself? 

    I digress.  Cards Against Humanity is played exactly like Apples to Apples.  Each player is dealt out 10 cards to start, and then a person is chosen at random to go first and are given the title Card Czar.  The Card Czar then picks a card from the specified black pile (some cards are white, some cards are black, reads it aloud, and the rest of the players choose a card from their hand they feel best answers/fills in the blank of the card chosen.  Then, the Card Czar (I may use that title as often as possible, I like it, so deal with my repetition) chooses which card he/she thinks is best based on whatever criteria they feel is best.  They give the player they think played the best white card the black card and the title of Card Czar moves to the right and play continues.  Play continues until the deck of black cards is exhausted or a pre-determined number of black cards is achieved by a player or until everyone gets sick of playing, though that last option likely won't happen anytime soon. 

    Now, the important question, is the game horrible enough for me?  Let me give you an example of some cards:
Black Card: During sex, I like to think about ___________.  White Cards: Sarah Palin, Homeless People, Goblins, Shooting a rifle into the air while going balls deep in a hog

Black Card: The CIA now interrogates enemy agents by repeatedly subjecting them to _____________? White Cards: A Big Black Dick, Rush Limbaugh's soft shitty body, a plunger to the face, a bigger blacker Dick.

    Excuse me while I wipe a tear from my eye.  I'm just so happy.  These truly are awful cards for an awful person like me.  And what's best, I chose some of the more appropriate cards!  God Bless this screwed up country of ours.  This game is amazing.  You will laugh, you will cry (mainly from laughing) and you will see just how messed up your friends can be.  It is a wonderful time, and if you aren't at least interested in playing this game once, you are wrong. 

    Judgement:  This game is amazing and you should buy it, along with the two expansion packs for a wonderful time.  Nothing brings people together like inappropriate response to inappropriate questions that help reveal how screwed up you and all of your friends are.  Buy this game or bow your head in shame. 

Product Judgement: Insanity Part 3

    So as I sit here, cooling off and eating almonds like a boss after my Insanity workout, I realize I just completed the last workout of month one.  Seemed like a good time to do a one month summary. 

    There have been no new workouts since my last post.  I rotate between Plyometric Cardio Circuit, Pure Cardio & Cardio Abs, Cardio Recovery and Cardio Power & Resistance.  I have noticed a considerable difference in my ability to get through the workouts.  I still take a lot of breaks and drink a crap ton of water.  I honestly drink my recommended daily amount of water in the course of an hour and a half thanks to Insanity.  Incidentally, I also sweat most of that out on our living room floor each workout.  Then when I'm done, I wring my shirt and watch the sweat come pouring out.  (Sexy right?  I know!  But sorry ladies, I'm taken.)  The biggest challenge has honestly been my motivation.  Despite seeing that I've lost almost 10 lbs, now having to wear a belt with all of my pants and the improvements in just my ability to keep up with the workouts, I've gotten a tad bit bored.  Having done part of  P90X before, I'm used to having quite a variety of workouts.  That is part of what makes completing month one so exciting to me.  Insanity is going to transform and introduce me to a few new workouts now. 

    Looking forward on the workout calendar they provide so that I know what workouts to do and when, I see I have a recovery week next week.  I do a workout called Core Cardio and Balance for a week and generally let my body recover from the craziness it has been subjected to.  A good way to look at it is I will be in the eye of the storm.  It will be calm and quiet, and then month two starts.  Just peaking at month two, I see that each workout is entitled "Max" something or other.  Max?  Max?  WHAT THE HELL HAVE I BEEN DOING IF IT'S NOT MAX?  Just thinking about it, while I am excited about the new workouts and the challenge, I'm also scared.  Scared of just how insane this is all going to be and also scared that I may snap and hunt down Shaun T. and cut him.  I really don't want to do that, but a guy has gotta do what a guy has gotta do. 

    Well that's all I have for now, expect an update in a few weeks, where I'll share my sweat and likely tears (if I have enough water left over for tears) with all of you.  I may also request you, my loyal readers, to help provide me with an alibi.  Keep it real folks!