Letter to my Dad

****Before you read.  This is going to be an uncharacteristically serious post for me.  If you come here for my hilarious writing, awesome judgement and to just generally be awestruck by my awesomeness, this may not be the post for you.  It's a post that is for me.  I could hand write this and not bother the world with it but 1) that shit would hurt my hand and 2) on the off chance someone, somewhere out there appreciates this it will have been worth posting publicly.  Okay, I've warned you.  If you read this and are disappointed at the end, you're a moron and you deserve your disappointment.  Just saying.****

   Dear Dad,

    It's been just over eight months since you passed.  I've experienced my first Father's Day without you.  I miss you, a lot.  Often times it's the littlest things that make me miss you the most.  For example, a few weeks ago at work in the cafeteria, they were serving beef stew.  It made me miss your beef stew, because to this day, you made the best beef stew.  I've thought about trying to make it, but have been afraid to try making it.  Isn't that silly?  Being afraid of making a dish of food?  But I am afraid because I'll make the beef stew, and it will suck donkey balls in comparison to yours, and then I'll miss you and your beef stew all over again.  Anyway, there are lots of things I want to tell you.  That I've wanted to tell you but couldn't because your gone.  I wish I could say them, but I'm not as good with speaking and finding the right words as I am as writing the right words. 
    Anyway, I'm kind of mad at you for the way I had to find you.  Coming upon a dead body is not something that I ever wanted to experience, much less my father's.  At the same time, I would have been incredibly pissed if someone called me and told me you passed away, so you can't really win here.  It was a shitty situation and I get upset when I think about it.  I see your body then I see the look on Kate's face and I remember the realization of what it all meant.  Damnit that sucked!  I'm also mad at you for leaving me when I was still grieving mom.  We had plans to hang out on the anniversary of her death the day after I found you and I needed that day to hang out and remember mom.  Instead I had to grieve the anniversary of mom's death AND try to wrap my head around your death.  Oh! I also had to deal with Guaranty Bank.  Do you have any idea how shitty of an institution they are?  Why in God's name were you banking with them?  I was literally moments away from stabbing several different employees at Guaranty Bank at different times.  That would have been your fault. I'm mad that you won't get to see any children that Kate and I have.  That they will grow up without a "grumpy grandpa Jim."  We are moving into a new place that needs some work.  I would have loved to bring you over and have you help show me how to do the repairs instead of being left guessing, googling and asking people that aren't you for help.  That's not fair!  I don't want the world to know of my general incompetence.  I've done a fairly decent job convincing the world I'm not an idiot.  Only you and maybe Kate were supposed to know. 
 
    You see dad, there is supposed to be an evolution of the relationship between a parent and a child.  The parent starts out as the teacher, helping to guide and teach the child the basics of language and interaction with people, places and things.  Then, they continue to guide their education while they are in school and act as authorities, establishing rules and setting boundaries which the child must push.  Then after the child becomes an "adult" the relationship slowly but surely starts to turn into more of a friendship.  I didn't get that with you though.  I think that's what I'm most mad about.

     It's not all being mad though, I promise you.  I'm happy you're with mom now.  I know that's what you wanted most of all, I know how much you, how much we, missed her.  You no longer have to miss her but instead get to sit with her and talk like you used to.  Talk about anything and everything, about that stupid show Big Brother you both were so into.  Hell, you get to watch real life Big Brother.  Hopefully I'm one of your favorite characters in real life Big Brother.  I'm happy you aren't in pain anymore.  Every time you cried out in pain, when I saw you close your eyes, grit your teeth, guard whatever part of you was hurting, it hurt me.  And, even in your death you have managed to teach me things.  I've learned a lot about myself, how I react to stress, how I internalize.  How I cope.  You definitely gave me your sense of humor, I used that a lot to cope with the loss of you. What am I saying, used. I should say I USE that a lot to help me cope with the loss of you. You can ask Kate, I definitely inherited your penchant for telling stupid jokes.  I also think mom must have somehow contacted her because she doesn't always react to them even though they are obviously hilarious.
 
    I don't know if you were reading over my shoulder when I read the card that Aunt Kathy gave me after your funeral, but it was really sweet.  I know you two had your differences and didn't always see eye to eye but it seems like she now knows there was a side to you she didn't know before.  She said she saw you were a good man, an amazing man and she got to see it because she saw it in me she said.
 
    Holy shit this is getting heavy even for me.  They're coming out with a Red 2!  While moving I saw the ticket stub that you kept for when you saw Red with Kate and I.  Kate and I will definitely be seeing that in theaters and we'll hold a seat for you.  Seriously, if someone tries to sit in your seat I will punch them in the face.  There we go...that's the dark sense of humor I use to cope.
 
    I don't have anymore right now.  Just know that I love you, I miss you and I do forgive you for leaving me the way you did.  It's selfish of me to be mad and I recognize that, but I am.  I'll get over it and I know it wasn't personal.  Despite being mad though, I can and do forgive you.  I love you pops!

Sincerely and with the greatest love,


Your son.

Transformation Room

     Welcome to the newest installment of the most inconsistent blog of all time!  I swear, eventually I'll get some sort of schedule going and update this thing regularly.  Really not sure if I'll have a direction, but lately it's all been judgements and my ruling on the awesomeness of something.  Well, in line with that,  if you have talked to me at all over the past month or so, you know I've joined a new gym, Transformation Room.  I figured it was about time for a new blog post and this time, I'd talk about the Transformation Room and pass judgement. 

    First, the basics: It is located on the corner of 55th and Vliet.  It's not your Snap Fitness, Planet Fitness, Blast Fitness or any of those other _______ Fitness exercises place.  It's a smaller gym, with the owner also being the trainer.  Her name is Linda, and I'll focus specifically on her later.  You can do either one on one training with Linda or participate in one of her many group classes.  (Note: I have only done group classes, I can't comment on personal training, I can just make an educated guess and as I'm always right my guess will be accurate).  Class sizes are generally 12 people or less, depending on which class you are in.  The demographic of people coming to the class are generally all younger people based on what I've seen, in their 20's and 30's.  Majority of the people in the classes that I've attended are women with there almost always being another guy or two mixed in. Now while there are other people there, once the workout begins you likely will forget about them, once I start talking about the TRX workout, I think it will help explain why.  Linda has a playlist playing in the background while working out so the sounds you hear while working out are Linda, the music, and people generally swearing/muttering under their breath, and if you are working out with me, a few pounds of sweat hitting the floor.  I'm a disgusting human being, but if you know me, that's not news to you.

    There are a lot of classes you can go to at Transformation Room and no two will be exactly the same.  Linda works on changing up the workouts for each class.  I have attended two different classes, TRX and Xtreme Stations.  I have only been to one Xtreme Stations class, so I don't really want to comment on it.  What I will say is it's designed like it sounds.  There are a number of stations that you rotate between and you challenge yourself on each station.  The one time I went, it was very core heavy and I'm fairly certain I heard my abs curse Linda's name in German this morning.  Why they are cursing in German I have no clue, probably because it's an angry language.  But this isn't about that.  The class I do have more experience with is TRX. 
    "Alex, what the hell is TRX?"

    Geez, hold on, I was going to get to it.  It is a method of working out created by a Navy Seal.  I'm guessing the story goes, the Seal was sitting around and thought I want a portable workout that is good, versatile and that if other people do will make them hurt.  That's exactly what it is.  Using straps attached to an anchor point, you can do any number of exercises using your body weight.  What's really great about this is depending on where you stand, you can adjust how much weight you are actually lifting and make the exercising as challenging as you need it to be.  A TRX class will start with a warm-up; you will jog, jump some jacks and do other dynamic movements to get your blood pumping and your body ready.  After that, you will do some stretches and then the fun starts.  As I mentioned, Linda has planned out the workouts and so she will tell you which exercise you are doing and you do that exercise.  Instead of focusing on doing X number of reps, you focus on doing as many as you can with proper form in the allotted time.  Some classes, she will work your upper arms.  Those are what I am now calling T-Rex days.  I call them that because the next day your arms are useless to you.  There are lower body days, or Elevator days.  I say that because days after we work the legs, I take the elevator.  Clever, right?  I know.  I AM AMAZING.  Some days, if you're really unlucky lucky, she will work everything.  I have only had the privelege of participating in one of those days and I learned several valuable lessons that day about working out with Linda and Transformaton Room:

1. Pace yourself - if you go 100mph from the get go you'll be out of gas really fast and the workout won't stop just cause you're pooped.
2. Modify.  The closer to the center my feet were, the more of a challenge it was.  I don't think there was one exercise in which the starting point of my feet and the ending point of my feet were the same.  Sometimes, they felt like they were miles apart.
3. If you pay attention to other people, especially on your first day, you'll be very tempted to cry.  Seriously, there are women who go there that are these tiny little petite things.  But you know what, I can guarantee they can all probably kick my ass because they have been doing TRX for a while and are insane.
4. Their are way more muscles in the body then I realized and I have a nursing degree.  Yeah, and when you first start working out after a hiatus, they will all hurt.  Your body wants you to believe working out is bad, DON'T LISTEN TO IT.  While I still hurt the days following a workout, the pain fades and you do have a feeling of accomplishment so it's a good thing.

    Linda did a really good job of helping to make sure I figured those things out that first day.  She always worked to make sure I was performing the exercise properly so I worked what I was supposed to and also so I didn't injure myself.  During the workouts, she walks through the room and helps correct people to help maximize their workout by ensuring proper form.  She is quick to praise you when you are doing a good job and she won't let you slack.  If she sees you struggling she will offer a way for you to make it easier but still work.  Also, I think she does a great job of fostering a friendly atmosphere.  I'm horrible with names, so asking if I know the names of the people I workout with would be setting me up for failure and so help me god if I'm going to let you do that.  I do however recognize them and feel like they are my brothers and sisters in arms against the workout and that together we can kick the workout's ass and make it through.  Through all the grunting and sweating and hydrating, the people in the class are smiling and laughing, which I take as a good sign. Basically, TRX is an amazing workout and you should all give it a try.  I've been doing it for about a month now and the straps no longer terrify me and with you using your own bodyweight to workout, it doubles as a great incentive to make sure you eat right.  Cause when you are faced with the choice between eating that Triple Whopper, pound of fries and drinking 2 liters of Soda or not, with a TRX workout looming you'll choose not to.  There are definitely ways I can improve my diet still, but I eat more fruit and veggies now and am working to cook at home more just so I might not have to lift quite so much during my next workout.  Also, I know the strength that I'm gaining is functional.  I know I'll get definition and muscles doing the workout, however, more importantly I know my strength will be real world transferrable and will make me one solid SOB. 

    In conclusion, Transformaton Room is an amazing gym.  The group classes are second to none and Linda is incredilby passionate about all that she does, so whether you are doing a group class or one on one training you are going to get an amazing workout.  You will work your body like it's making minimum wage and become better because of it.  I would encourage you if you are interested in giving it a try.  Or if you aren't interested, give it a try because you're wrong for not being interested.  Here is a link to the website for a schedule of their classes and a description of all of them: http://www.transformationroomfit.com/index.html

 I have spoken.