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Wednesday, December 21, 2011

"Rubber" greatest movie ever (Spoiler alert)

This purpose of this post is simple, to tell you about the greatest movie of all time.  Truly.  It is a film that transcends all other movies, and after watching it, will make you a better person.  I struggled with whether or not to write this post.  I wasn't sure if I wanted to because I wasn't sure if I could write a review that did this movie justice without spoiling parts of the movie.  Then, as I was contemplating this movie, it came to me, as great ideas so often do, that it doesn't matter.  It doesn't matter because as I describe the movie you will either 1) Will want to see it because of my awesome descriptive ability. 2) Will want to see it because you think I'm full of shit, which is quite often the case or 3) Will likely end up seeing it because I will reveal it is available for streaming on Netflix so really, what will it cost you?

So, on with the movie!  I would describe what Rubber is about, but I don't really know.  If you watch the trailer, which can be seen here: ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6G5pyFhmAqE ) You might come away thinking the movie is about a tire, which has the ability to move on its own and that has the ability to blow things up, that goes on a murderous rampage and is in love with (or as I originally thought is a rapist) a woman.  Which would be all fine and dandy, and that plot line on it's own makes sense.  You can follow that.  You can learn to accept that a tire might be able to move on its own, has the ability to blow shit up and that it would also fall in love with a woman.  That, however, is not the case. 

The movie opens with a character talking about how some movies don't have a rhyme or reason to why they do what they do.  They just "do."  He then directs a group of individuals to watch such an example of a movie.  You then are introduced to our tire, which the trailer calls Robert.  The tire gets up from its slumber in the desert and starts to roll along.  While moving along it seems to find it can blow shit up.  Which, understandably, seems to be fun so the tire blows up everything it can.  While on it's blowing shit up binge, it comes across a woman which peeks the tire's interest.  (This is probably the most logical part of the movie, because when I saw her my first thought was "If I was a tire, I'd want her").  The tire then tries following the woman and on his stalking journey finds himself at a hotel.  Around this point in the movie, the audience within the movie watching the movie, is poisoned.  The then director says "alright folks, you can stop acting now."  To which the people "in the movie" are confused because they have no idea what the fuck he is talking about.  As that all probably sound confusing, I'll try to say it again in a different way to make sure we are all on the same page. 

The movie Rubber starts out about people being told by a director to watch a movie about a tire and that the movie doesn't need to make sense.  The director then poisons the audience and tells the other actors in the movie to quit acting, they are all done.  These actors then say, what the fuck are you talking about, we have a woman here with no head who is dead.  This is real. 

Are you with me?  No?  Good.

The director then comes to find that one of the audience members is still alive because he didn't eat the poisoned food.  So he decides he needs to keep acting.  And also realizes there is really a murderous tire on the run.  So the movie goes on with the cops (I didn't really explain this, but the director is acting as a cop.  Or is really a cop since the movie is real.  Or it's not.  At this point you don't really have a clue as to what's going on and you are considering taking acid or some other drug in hopes to bring order back to the chaos that is now your world thanks to the movie Rubber) trying to catch Robert, our murderous tire.  They eventually get it cornered in a house.  Now the movie takes a turn for the weird when trying to lure the tire out of the house to kill it, the cops use a mannequin with a bomb strapped to it.  They then have a woman, the woman the tire is obsessed with, talk to lure it out.  However, the dialogue she is told to use by the cop/director is bad porno dialogue.  She can't really read it so the cop/director reads it.  The tire comes out and they (the police) blow it up.  Remember the audience member that lived?  Well he comes back and tells the director that this isn't how the movie can end.  It's anti-climatic.  To which the cop responds by taking a shot gun and shooting the tire in it's smug murderous tire face.  The end. 

Or not.  The movie decides it hasn't mind fucked you, the viewer, enough yet, so somehow the tire is reincarnated in a tricycle.  Which then somehow brings other tires to life and the family of tires travels down the road until eventually they can see the Hollywood sign.

Now it's the end of the movie. 

I know what you're thinking.  You are starting to get a panicky feeling, thinking "Shit, someone must have drugged me."  No, that's the feeling this movie gives you.  I'm pretty sure the director, Quentin Dupieux is actually the original pac-man and after having lived in the dark eating magic pills listening to electronica for a couple decades somehow became a man and this is the result of two years of constant pill popping.  You will walk away from watching this movie for a new found appreciation of the real world.  The real world which now makes perfect sense to you.  It doesn't matter who you are, you will appreciate the fact that you aren't in a movie within a movie about a murderous rapist tire.  You will go to your loved ones and hug them a little tighter and make sure they always know you love them.  When given more work at work, you will say to your boss, "Thank you sir/ma'am" because your boss giving you work is something that makes sense.  You can wrap your head around it.  Each day you will live life more to the fullest because you never know if another movie will come around and fuck with you like that again, and the next movie might be the last, and so you want to get the most out of life before that happens. 

In short, Rubber, will make you a better person. 

So as I mentioned above, the movie is on Netflix for streaming.  Go and watch it.  You can thank me later. 

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